Blonde at an Interview

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, . . . . . . . . Wait for it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "The living one."

Curry Rhapsody

TO BE SUNG TO THE TUNE OF QUEEN'S BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY Naan, just killed a man Poppadom against his head Had Lime Pickle Now He's Dead Naan, Dinner's Just Begun But Now I'm Gonna Crap it All Away Naan, ohhhh ohhhhhh Didn't mean to make you cry Seen Nothing Yet Just See the Loo Tomorrow > Curry On, Curry On Cause Nothing Really Madras > Too Late, My Dinner's Gone Sends Shivers Down my Spine Rectum Aching All the Time Goodbye Onion Bhaji, I've got to go Gotta Leave You All Behind And Use the Loo Nann, Ohhhhh Ohhhhh The Doopiaza is so Mild I Sometimes Wish We'd Never Come Here at All > > Guitar Solo I See a Little Chicken Tikka on the Side Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, Pass the Chutney Made of Mango Vindaloo Does Nicely Very Very Spicy Meat Byriani (Byriani) Byriani (Byriani) Byriani and a Naan (A Vindaloo loo loo loo) I've Eaten Balti, Somebody Help me He's Eaten Balti, Get Him to the Lavatory Stand you Well Back Cause the Loo is Quarantined... Here it Comes There it Goes Technicolour Yawn > > I Chunder NO! It's Coming up Again (There he Goes) > > I Chunder NO! It's Coming back Again (There he Goes) Coming Back Again (Up Again) Here it Goes Again (No, No, No, No, No, No NO) On my Knees I'm on my Knees On his Knees, Oh, There he Goes This Vindaloo It's About to Wreck my Guts Poor Me.... Poor Me..... Poor Meeee.... > > Guitar Solo So you Think you can Chunder and Feel Alright? So you try to eat Curry and Drink Beer all Night? Oh Maybe, But now you Puke Like a Baby Just had to Come out It Just had to Come Right out in Here

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Daughters

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes". The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank." With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"

Difficult Things To Say When Your Drunk

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: --------------------------------------------------- 1) Innovative 2) Preliminary 3) Proliferation 4) Cinnamon . .. ... .. . Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: --------------------------------------------------- 1) Specificity 2) British Constitution 3) Passive-aggressive disorder 4) Transubstantiates . .. ... .. . Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk: --------------------------------------------------- 1) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you 2) Nope, no more booze for me 3) Sorry, but you're not really my type 4) No kebab for me, thank you 5) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? 6) I'm not interested in fighting you. 7) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing 8) No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination. 9) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.

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